Box Fort

One week after the move and there are still unpacked boxes. Almost every corner in the living room is occupied by either a box of books or by a piece of furniture that needs to be put together.

This maze of boxes got me thinking of Friends, Season 5. After Ross says the wrong name during his wedding—OMG!—during the final episode of Season 4, his marriage to Emily crashes down around him. Ross is eventually kicked out of the apartment he was meant to share with Emily.

In fly Joey and Chandler!

Ross and his boxes settle into a temporary living arrangement with Joey and Chandler. While Chandler is preoccupied by the idea of sharing his space with Ross, again, Joey is grown up enough to recognize that Ross needs their support… and that the boxes are the perfect building blocks for a fort!

The One Where Ross Moves In – Part 1[hit 7.30 - 8.15]

Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: Nothing.
Chandler: You built a fort, didn’t ya?
Joey: Kinda.
Chandler: Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross’s air purifier! All I heard through four years of college was mmmmhmmhmmmmmm…
Joey: Dude, you should’ve gone out once and a while.
Chandler: I hate this thing!
Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don’t you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!

Oh Joey, you are so craaaaazy! Ha! Hit the next link to see more of the fort fun =D

The One Where Ross Moves In – Part 3 [hit 3.56 - end]

No Gas Fights Allowed!

It takes some time to get to know the norms of a new location. For instance, here is Oregon, gas stations are not self-service. You pull up to the pump, shut-off your engine, pop open your gas cover and than sit on your ass while a gas station attendant refuels your car for you. That is right. It is actually illegal for me to refuel my own car.

The first time I encountered this unusual standard, I was annoyed. Come on! I am perfectly capable of refueling my own car. I have been doing it for years. Even when I was young my parents charged me with the task.

Apparently, only Oregon and New Jersey abide by this ridiculous statute. There are a number of reasons that these two states site to validate the statute’s necessity. One reason addresses gasoline’s inflammability. (Yes, inflammable is correct; just ask Strunk and White. Although, don’t ask them about the many other glarring errors in my posts; every post would be covered in bright red proof marks.) Yes, gas station fires happen. I’ve seen it… in Zoolander!

It is only natural that my mind should jump right to the orange frapuccino and gas fight scene from the movie Zoolander. Maybe Oregon is home to a large number of fictional, idiot models whose parents never taught them not to mix orange fraps, gas fights and open flames.

Wake me up, before you go go.
Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.

Wham! I just got smacked with another scene! Family Guy: Jungle Love. In this episode, the audiance lands smack-dab in the middle of a random musical interlude—Jitterbug [see Musical Moment #7].

Ah, the wonder of my train of thought. Maybe it is good that Oregon does not let me pump my own gas. You can never guarantee that my mind-wandering won’t interfere with my ability to pump gas without starting a fire.

Miracle of Duct Tape

There is a bump in the road. Seriously, a ginormous bump in the middle of the road. You can’t change lanes to avoid it—traffic is heavy. All you can do is grit your teeth, grip the wheel and hope that you don’t loose your transmission.

Wham!

Holy monkies! That bump was not just a pile of mislaid asphalt. That bump was large enough to be an assassin’s lame attempt at burying a body. Or perhaps a log that road workers forgot to move before laying the asphalt.

So much for making it to Oregon in one piece. The bump in the road had enough force to shoot my rear view mirror free from the glue that bound it to the windshield. Crap. How am I supposed to drive 500 miles without a rear view mirror?

Solution: Duct Tape.

That is right. Oodles and oodles of extra strength duct tape. This half-assed repair job reminds me of The Red Green Show. In this show, duct tape is the be-all-and-end-all of a handyman’s arsenal. Hit the link for a hilarious instance of Red Green’s handyman abilities.

Custom Car [from The Red Green Show]

I was still unable to use the mirror. As the outside temperature increased, the duct tape stretched.

In short, my rear view mirror did nothing but provide me with a breathtaking glimpse of the boxes in the seat directly behind me. I can securely say that the boxes never drove too closely—they remained at a safe distance the entire length of the trip.

The Move

Oh, it has been busy. My lack of posts is the result of a big move.

Readers, welcome to Oregon =D

New posts to come…